Skip to main content

A simple life: Can you wondering in silence?



I just want to have my morning coffee, sit quietly on my balcony, hear city noises, prepare my work at home, think about what for lunch, should I order gofood, or I cook by myself? I set my playlist on YouTube music for morning tune, prepare breakfast and ready for work. Quite simple and easy.


Trying use the best of my working hour with some dips and pull ups, finished my work on time and having me-time to do nothing. 


But somehow society thinks it is not common. 


I’ve tried new things, having live version of my favorite movies, living like in the movie, but some people said, they were there, It’s what they did like 10 years a go, means, I’m late for 10 years. Well, I don’t have privilege like they have when I was younger. 


Wait, I burn incense to boost my mood, giving good ambience for my room so I can be more productive. 


Some asked me at my relative’s wedding “When will you propose someone, you’re old enough.”


then I answered, “I don’t need that, living together (kumpul kebo) is a best deal for me.” And they’re wishpered, you know, they said I don’t belong to heaven. 


Some people asked me, are you straight or gay? I answered, “yes, of course.” Whether I am straight or gay it doesn’t event matter as long as I can have love for myself. I used to be a people pleasing person, and it’s killing me. 


I think it’s too private to ask, unless he/she have something in me. But never mind. I keep them questioning and maybe took distance. I don’t care. 


Why you’re so thin? Oh you gain some weight? Why you don’t cut your hair? Believe me, I was that kind of person. And some people asked me that thing as well, can you WONDERING IN SILENCE? As I can quote Adam for Adam (younger version). 


Since I work as journalist, my personality has changed. I was introvert but my job asked me to be more bubly. People pleased, but scream inside.


Yes, how many screams I have inside my mind when I met a lot of people I don’t want/need to meet? MILLION. 


I hid my emotion with smile. It’s always works in every situation. But I scream inside. I just don’t want other problem follows when I speak up. 


Somehow their value is not quite fit enough with my point of view. Some people walks in a straight line, some running in a circle, someone have a bumpy road, the other one should climb, it doesn’t matter as long as they’re happy to stay in their way not crossing my path. Haha.


Some people is a straight talker, but parents didn’t raised me as a person who can sing in a right pitch. Always come with proposal, calculation how people will react. But boom some how I can’t control it as I write in other post. 


And what I want to do is just a simple life when the scream inside my mind dissapeared. 


We, human having short life span, why you waste the rest of your life to judge people so you can feel much better than other. I think it’s not how competition works. 

I don’t compete, I just feel enough for what I have right now. That’s the answer for those who are asking me how much I earn in a month. 

The fact, our society is demanding in a peculiar way. I don’t want to be part of it.

Every night, I created my own fiction in my head so I can sleep. Is it weird? I don’t think so. I create my own universe, this magnificent brain can do pretty much better than merge in society will. 









Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Apakah masih ada senyum terselip di balik masker kain Anda?

Sesudah virus corona, lalu apa? I've asked this question over and over again inside my head. What if we never get back to our ordinary life before pandemic? Karena makin lama, lingkungan di luar sana seperti planet lain bagi saya.  Setiap minggu level stres naik, bukan saya sendiri yang mengalaminya, tapi semua orang. Jika pada pekan lalu mereka yang saya temui di jalan masih enak diajak ngobrol, kali ini, semua menatap bak kriminal. Saya menghabiskan waktu di rumah sekaligus bekerja. Dalam seminggu, hanya sekali keluar untuk belanja kebutuhan sehari-hari. Sehari sebelum ramadan, saya meliput masjid dekat rumah. Awalnya semua baik-baik saja, saya sapa marbot dan dia mengizinkan saya meliputnya. Cerita yang ingin sekali saya dengar adalah para marbot yang nelangsa kala ramadan. Jika tahun lalu jamaah salat tarawih berbaris-baris hingga menyesakkan seisi masjid, kini ibadah itu ditiadakan.  Gerbang depan masjid dalam keadaan terkunci, kain penutup dipasang di teras masjid

Jalan Raya Tertinggi di Indonesia 3600 MDPL (2)

Kalau dipikir, kemiringan jalannya sampai 60 derajat, saya sudah cemas, karena setelah tanjakan langsung tikungan, lalu turun curam dan berbelok di jalan yang mulai berlumpur. Apalagi yang bisa saya lakukan selain tertawa. Menertawakan hidup saya, yang jauh-jauh datang ke Papua hanya untuk menyetor nyawa. Saat itu, Trans Papua sedang dibangun. Cerita yang saya dengar, awalnya saat pembukaan jalur, TNI lah yang bergerak. Beberapa titik masih rawan. Kami sama-sama berdoa sambil bercanda di mobil. Wabah misterius itu merenggut puluhan nyawa anak-anak di Distrik Mbua. Media daring yang bagai kilat melaporkan 50an anak mati. Terlebih, saat itu sedang ramai pembicaraan tentang ebola. Persiapan kami menghadapi itu semua adalah: mengucap basmalah. Keselamatan memang jadi faktor utama. Kebutuhan logistik sudah tersedia, peralatan medis dasar juga sudah ada. Takdir membawa kami ke Distrik Mbua, untuk membukakan mata, siapapun yang ada di Jakarta. Saat mobil tiba di jalan keci

Jalan Raya Tertinggi di Indonesia 3600 MDPL (1)

Dua tahun lalu, pergi ke Papua itu sangat mahal, bahkan lebih mahal ketimbang berlibur ke Jepang. Kalau bukan karena penugasan dari rapat redaksional, saya tak mungkin bisa ke sana. Saat itu saya mengejar cerita tentang kematian misterius puluhan anak di Distrik Mbua, Kabupaten Nduga. Saya masih ingat, penerbangan dari Jakarta, transit dahulu di Makassar, berlanjut menuju Manokwari, kemudian Jayapura, dan akhirnya tiba di Wamena. Bandaranya kala itu masih tradisional. Saya gambarkan seperti terminal bus era 90an. Tapi sekarang bandara yang baru sudah dibuka, setaraf dengan bandara-bandara di tempat saya dan tim, transit sebelum sampai Wamena. Pak Nico, driver kami menjemput dengan mobil yang memiliki spesifikasi tangguh di medan pegunungan. Kami mengisi bahan bakar dahulu. 20 liter bensin, seharga 2 juta rupiah. Saya dan kedua rekan langsung terkejut. Pegunungan di sekeliling menyembul, pamer keindahan. Saya tanyakan kepadanya, apakah dia bahagia tinggal d